I bought a book, it said how to train a cat
Paige once said, nope, you can't do that
Try the treats, the toys, the click and clap
But she just blinked and went to nap
I made a plan, I drew a chart
Tried reverse psychology and modern cat
Or built a castle out of wooden foam
But she moved into a cardboard box I got from home
How to train a cat, you don't
They train you, that's the joke
You buy a throne, they take your coat
Sleep all day, then run at full speed by 4am like a goat
How to train a cat you won't
She rules the house and claims you're toast
She's the queen, you're just the ghost
In a rampart made of socks and scattered notes
In a rampart made of socks and scattered nose
I bought her toys with bells and fluff
She played with rappers, that was enough
I set her schedule, she tore it down
Every note gets met with a royal frown
You build a little house with care and pride
Softest pillow stacked inside
But she chooses, of course she would
That one small box from your last order of cat food
How to train a cat, you dream
Of a system, a method, a laser beam
But she just yawns and takes your seat
And somehow ends up with your credit card receipt
Out of trade, can you try?
But in her eyes you're just the guy
Who opens, cans, and warms the bed
You're the butler, she's the head
In a empire made of socks and scattered notes
Thank you.
Lyrics © 2025 Toravo.
